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Seasons of emotions ♥
♥ Emo-ish blog posts are normally blue
♥ Happy blog posts are normally green
♥ Angry or disatisfaction blog posts are normally red
♥ Yellow blog posts are normally made as notices or notes or quotes
♥ *Effective from 6th February '09 onwards
The loner ♥
Name » Alex
Age » 19 ('10)
Status » Single
Gender » Male ♂
Birth Date » 20 / 07 / 91
Constellation » Cancer
Chinese Zodiac » Goat
♥ Emotional
♥ Sensitive
♥ Sensible
Wish upon a star ★
[ ] A joyful life ♥
[ ] Stop being moody ♥
[ ] A better appearance ♥
[ ] Excel in my studies ♥
[ ] Life would be meaningful ♥
[ ] Lead a better life ♥
[ ] Wouldn't be lonely ♥
Talked with my mei today~ It was a long satisfying talk~ Eventually i found out that.. There are some things which really shatter my heart into pieces and blown away like dust..
It appears that certain things in front of me aren't the same with those behind me it's different. Is this another treatment which i am about to receive after escaping such incidents to ever occur again?
Am i just being entertained? Am i being entertained for the sake of something? Am i being entertained because they felt sorry for me? I just want to be accepted as the true me..
Am i too good to be used on? My old habit is back again~! Putting other priorities at the top and mine at the last which is really causing me pain.. Maybe it's because i REALLY care for them! I don't really care whether im appreciated or not.. What i relly care is to accept me for who i am thats all. Why cover everything up with lies?
Lying to cover up things i front of me is really a pain for me.. I am seriously suffering from that.. A direct sentence to express disatisfaction on me would be WAY better than just using lies as a cover.. Which is a lie which is not? This is a sudden question after today's conversation with my mei.. The same fear is back whether to trust or not to..
All i demand was very simple.. Isn't that too hard to do? Sigh.. I really don't know what should i do.. I wonder when will they wake up.. Or perhaps they will not? Should i let go..? Should i just close both eyes? I don't know how long will my fragile heart last..
Asking others for a little favour is EXTREMELY PAIN but if it is the other way it was taken for granted.. and im still waiting for those words spoken out to come true.. I really hope that those words will really taken as action.. If those are taken as action perhaps i would be much more happier than before.. Or they are also as an excuse just to entertain me only or just to stop me from talking / bothering? I don't know..
But one thing i know.. Everything from last time till now has changed.. It is completely changed.. The change is so drastic it is so obvious and also painful to me.. Everything is just isn't the same anymore.. Why? Because i can see clearly and also evidence to compare both incidents..
These problems are one of the biggest stress affecting me aside from study issues, family issues and also health issues..
Wonder when will i just give up and just have an empty brain with no thoughts and also no worries..
Might as well just re-roll my brain back to those happy days of mine instead being here..
When i found out about this.. there is no way im going to recover from my sickness i bet it'll just gets worse =]
All i have to say is just.. WAKE UP!!! I CARE!!
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『3/06/2009 11:51:00 PM』
