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Seasons of emotions ♥
♥ Emo-ish blog posts are normally blue
♥ Happy blog posts are normally green
♥ Angry or disatisfaction blog posts are normally red
♥ Yellow blog posts are normally made as notices or notes or quotes
♥ *Effective from 6th February '09 onwards
The loner ♥
Name » Alex
Age » 19 ('10)
Status » Single
Gender » Male ♂
Birth Date » 20 / 07 / 91
Constellation » Cancer
Chinese Zodiac » Goat
♥ Emotional
♥ Sensitive
♥ Sensible
Wish upon a star ★
[ ] A joyful life ♥
[ ] Stop being moody ♥
[ ] A better appearance ♥
[ ] Excel in my studies ♥
[ ] Life would be meaningful ♥
[ ] Lead a better life ♥
[ ] Wouldn't be lonely ♥
Perfect condition to write about myself now x) Was not in the right condition to talk about myself yesterday~ Hmm~!
Let's see~ Where should i start >.>"
Hmm as everyone know~! I'm just a pure joker but sometimes i joked too much or the jokes are too cold xD Ok~ I don't get angry easily but sometimes some acts or words are just making me pissed thats all and i'll start complaining non stop x) Mess with me = mess with your ears and ur mental state =D I don't us my fists to talk though. Overall i'll just ignore those who loves to pick n me of tick me off the anger chart.
Everyone might thought that im a quiet person when im outside somewhere in class or someplaces with unkown people! But the truth is im a very talkative person. Unless i am shy to talk to certain people. Trust me i could talk all day if i have alot to tell =D I can be annoying sometimes until my friends gave up talking to me or made up and excuse and ignroed me lol. Sometimes i might even talk before thinking making some of them flamed.. lol.. I barely talk to unknown people and i don't really entertain them unless i have to. lol. That is why i appear quiet in public! =x
I actually have a very little number of friends due to a certain fear which i can't overcome. My friends from primary school and secondary school are all practically gone and some doesnt even worth to remember them as they have completely forgotten me o ignored me when we meet face to face. Sigh~ Since i have limited friends i value them like gold or something much more precious than that. That is also why i always tend to bother my friends alot when i have the chance especially my bro xD I would just do everything i can to keep them happy or company =/ I am actually desperate for friends in a way.. >< That is also one of the factor that i was used and bullied by my so called 'friends' Sometimes i don't know which is my friend and which is not. I still don't know how many o them would against me in the future for one reason or another. I just don't want to lose anymore and get hurt ~.~ I am so envy to see big groups of close friends having fun together in somewhere for vacation or planning a surprise birthday parties for someone in the group i just felt so happy for them but for me it's rather a rare chance to none. Small group of actual friends would be fine for me already =/
There is a certain fear that im having. A fear which kept me inactive and also stressed in a way that im always afraid of something. It's the fear that also made me feel lonely and sad all the time. One of the problems im having is being sensitive. Sensitivity for me it's good in a way that i could determine which mood should i put into when dealing with friends. But it's a major problem when handling with friends sometimes as they are using hard words on me. Yet, i still keep quiet and smiled at them or laugh with the =)
Shyness is also another problem of mine. I am really afraid of being embarassed out of something silly i did or something really illogic that i made. It disturbs me n a way that i feel so unconfortable and also mentally disturbed.
I think alot~ So much that people eventually got annoyed with me! There are times when im so lonely and i had nothing to do, my mind would start thinking of all those unncessary stuff which was not a good thing. For example, it has been usual that i text message someone everyday but one fine day suddenly the person never reply me or even respond to me. So i would start to think that maybe, that person might be annoyed with me or im bothering him too much or eventually got angry with me. All the negative thoughts would start to fly out and bother me until sometimes i couldn't sleep at all at night. I would be assuming all the negative things that could have happened which kept me awake. (Most probably i inherited this from my mum as she thinks alot too =x)
I tend to get bored easily! I always need a company.. Which i have one now which is my bro~ but i couldn't be bothering him all the time but im satisfied. As for the others, they didn't really bother me much or eventually somehow we argued for some unknown reason which made us sto talkng to each other for some time. Sometimes i would sit in front of the computer waiting someone to actually talk to me or sometimes i would stare at my phone waiting someone to actually text message me and talk >< I'm too lonely andbored i guess..
I normally would forgive but i don't know why i never forgets. All the bitter memories will remain in my hollow brain as long as i live. I could remember clearly what happened from the past. It'slike im living upon my past sometimes. They say being sad about their pasts re idiots well, i am one already. I couldn't get off my horrible past memories. I would have flashbacks from time to time after seeing certain incidents or certain sentences people said. Sigh~
I am sometimes impatient on certain things which i want or something which i might get. Like, results or certain trips or exams? ... The night before that i would definately not be able to sleep and there goes my mind start running with those negative thoughts =/
Some say im a sissy, some say i need attention, some say i just need more Love from closed ones but i don't really mind.. I am proud to be me =)
Lastly i appologize for what i have done which dissatisfies you or even made you angry. I am sorry ;/
Ahh.. I hope more of them would know me better by now! =D
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/24/2009 04:20:00 PM』
