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Seasons of emotions ♥
♥ Emo-ish blog posts are normally blue
♥ Happy blog posts are normally green
♥ Angry or disatisfaction blog posts are normally red
♥ Yellow blog posts are normally made as notices or notes or quotes
♥ *Effective from 6th February '09 onwards
The loner ♥
Name » Alex
Age » 19 ('10)
Status » Single
Gender » Male ♂
Birth Date » 20 / 07 / 91
Constellation » Cancer
Chinese Zodiac » Goat
♥ Emotional
♥ Sensitive
♥ Sensible
Wish upon a star ★
[ ] A joyful life ♥
[ ] Stop being moody ♥
[ ] A better appearance ♥
[ ] Excel in my studies ♥
[ ] Life would be meaningful ♥
[ ] Lead a better life ♥
[ ] Wouldn't be lonely ♥
Well these few days im having a brief thought about the things i do and the past of my life somehow it bothers me alot in a way that it's making me really sad~ So many flashbacks and so many unhappy thoughts suddenly arise in my mind and i jsut couldnt get rid of it~ I have no friends to talk to i have nobody to express my unhappiness only keeping it to myself as always~ I still cant overcome my fear until now and it's slowly killing me bit by bit~ Life is getting lonely for me out here~ What which was interesting to me now doesnt get my attention anymore~ My handphone usually will be flooded with smses and now it was throw aside as no one would bother to entertain me. Last time i would at least visit friends and they visit me but none of these wanted things ever happened again since i left secondary school. Usually i would get tonnes of festive greetings during festive seasons but now not even a single greeting is sent to me. What is the reason behind everything? Is life really that lonely and meaningless to me? Perhaps, am i really suited to be alone and just die as a loner~ I see people success in certain things and they are proud of something that will benefit them to achieve success but i dont have anything to be proud of and to achieve with~ In class, my classmates are all so smart! Once a question is thrown to them their brains are starting to run like lightning speed but mine.. im just clueless looking at them solving a certain question. It makes me so frustrated as i dont have the ability to solve the question. Perhaps i didnt revise enough and am not hardworking enough. I am not good in everything i do im just a moderate in everything! I really envy those who are at least expertise in something unlike me being moderate in everything~ I dun have the looks, I dun have the talent, I dun have the weath, I dun have the ability, I practically dont have anything good in me! They say i might discover my talent someday but for 17 years straight i didnt get to find out my talent. Maybe im just a plain weird guy who deserves to be rejected from the community. They asked me why am i always so shy and why am i always so afraid of the public i really cant answer them as those are my deepest fear that i couldnt overcome for 17 years. What is which was holding me back is my fear that keeps me from opening up myself to everyone else. Sometimes i feel like crying because im so useless, then again its weird that i cry for a lame reason.. Why do my friends just dont bother me when i really need them! When i am really busy or not expected them to find me they will look for me? Are they using me or have i dont something wrong? I thought i found a proper friend to discuss my problems with but he barely understands me and just giving me all the sweet talks saying that he will accompany me when ever i wanted to talk to him~ Perhaps he might be busy but not all the time when i tried to talk to him perhaps? Owell i'll just get a pet fish or some other favourite things of mine as my closest friend then since none of my so called "friends" are there when i need them. I done bragging though im going to bed nights~ Will be blogging again soon.
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/02/2009 10:05:00 PM』
