Saturday, February 28, 2009
My brother suddenly went emo and thinking alot like me =/ It seems that he is mising his ex-girflfriend again.. Aih.. Kor.. Sometimes life is like this~ Love relationships are complicated. Nothing lasts forever. Life still goes on.. Kor you still have alot of chances of getting a new one. I know, love hurts. It's true. I experienced once last time in secondary school it hurts =) Kor you just need a little support to stand back up and i'm here to support you no matter what happens.
Here's a little thing from me (:
Here's a little thing from me (:
It's a little bit ugly but i placed alot of efforts on it >_<
Kor, you still have people that supports you. Thinking of dying is not a solution to it. Always remember, you are here for a purpose. Not to die. =) What ever happens you still have me =)
Besides i read your posts, since you played an important role in every enviroment. You are the most important one and not to be left behind. Every closed one needs you, you cant think such stupid thoughts (: Life is up and down and it cant be down forever. Everyone has their important purpose to be alive in this world. Nobody is useless =]
This post is dedicated to my brother. Will be posting mine later. =]
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/28/2009 04:27:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/28/2009 04:27:00 PM』
Friday, February 27, 2009
Today izin't a really good day well, for me though~ I got my test paper back (Java II) I only scored like.. 26/50?! ... so i totally screwed it.. Sigh.. My eyes seemed to be fine today and i still dare not ask / tell my parents why because this might just worry them and i would be banned from using the computer or something lol~
Then a sudden call from my aunty saying that my uncle had discharged into the hospital for a backbone surgery.. He drove there with a motorcycle himself! He didn't even tell us about this. I'm seriously worried about him. Whether he is fine or not.. He is still not awake from his surgery since this afternoon. I hope everything is alright. Suddenly my feelings just felt so sad. Actually im not really in a good mood as well today.
Heard the news about my club's trip it's about 400 bucks.. o_o" I thought i was treating my bro for this trip but it seemed that it's too expensive ~_~ OPS! I said out my true motive ... :x.. Well i was hoping if he would go that'll be great xD His phone was barred but his house's internet line is up! That's good news though~ But i doubt he would be even buzier than before after he had his house line =/ We didn't really get to talk much lately or really spend time playing together becuse of these few points. Well he's a busy guy i couldn't hold him on =D I'll just maybe sleep when i have nothing to do xD Nothing really interests me anymore.
Sometimes i just hate people rub it on ur face with the extra skills and talents they have.. They can design well, why critisize others? They can play better than us why called us noobs and stupid? Everyone started from square one. You can't be flying when you havent even learn to walk. I just don't understand them sometimes. I am definately reffering to someone which i don't wanna mention incase he views my blog. I just don't get them. I really hate these people.
There's a 'friend' of mine which is actually good to me but actually he has other intentions behind it. He is very good at it until i found out what is he actually trying to do. I will becareful when i encounter / talk to him.
Day by day it just gets much and much more boring. I had no closed ones to talk to. They are all busy. I had no company to play games with. So ends up i didn't play any. One day just somehow passed without me actually noticing it and another day meaninglessly passed. My sleeping times are totally out. I don't know when i could actually sleep. I don't know what should i do. Haih~ The boringness is seriously killing me.. Where is my company? :/
My family condition is really messy now sigh.. Might sleep early since im down, not really in the mood or maybe i might not sleep at all.. or perhaps the ones i really want to talk to is here..
Then a sudden call from my aunty saying that my uncle had discharged into the hospital for a backbone surgery.. He drove there with a motorcycle himself! He didn't even tell us about this. I'm seriously worried about him. Whether he is fine or not.. He is still not awake from his surgery since this afternoon. I hope everything is alright. Suddenly my feelings just felt so sad. Actually im not really in a good mood as well today.
Heard the news about my club's trip it's about 400 bucks.. o_o" I thought i was treating my bro for this trip but it seemed that it's too expensive ~_~ OPS! I said out my true motive ... :x.. Well i was hoping if he would go that'll be great xD His phone was barred but his house's internet line is up! That's good news though~ But i doubt he would be even buzier than before after he had his house line =/ We didn't really get to talk much lately or really spend time playing together becuse of these few points. Well he's a busy guy i couldn't hold him on =D I'll just maybe sleep when i have nothing to do xD Nothing really interests me anymore.
Sometimes i just hate people rub it on ur face with the extra skills and talents they have.. They can design well, why critisize others? They can play better than us why called us noobs and stupid? Everyone started from square one. You can't be flying when you havent even learn to walk. I just don't understand them sometimes. I am definately reffering to someone which i don't wanna mention incase he views my blog. I just don't get them. I really hate these people.
There's a 'friend' of mine which is actually good to me but actually he has other intentions behind it. He is very good at it until i found out what is he actually trying to do. I will becareful when i encounter / talk to him.
Day by day it just gets much and much more boring. I had no closed ones to talk to. They are all busy. I had no company to play games with. So ends up i didn't play any. One day just somehow passed without me actually noticing it and another day meaninglessly passed. My sleeping times are totally out. I don't know when i could actually sleep. I don't know what should i do. Haih~ The boringness is seriously killing me.. Where is my company? :/
My family condition is really messy now sigh.. Might sleep early since im down, not really in the mood or maybe i might not sleep at all.. or perhaps the ones i really want to talk to is here..
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/27/2009 07:11:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/27/2009 07:11:00 PM』
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Today some freak thing happened to my eyes.. I suddenly white out (it's like a camera flash kind of feeling that blinds me with the light reflection) that lasted about 45 minutes.. It's painful and my eyes felt watery.. I couldn't really see things well that time. White colour is the most painful one to look at as my eyes are filled with the rays of white light.. I dare not tell or mention it to my parents to make them worry about me but i think it's just me being tired or stressed out i guess.. lol..
Well today, yet another friend of mine whose birthday had passed. I heard over that his friends are planning a birthday surprise for him. I began to felt envy at them as for my bro's party =/ Besides! I don't have that much of cash to make a party and invite friends to come and i never had a party before haha. Ahaha it's just my natural feeling about it. mm maybe before i knew it it's july and my birthday passed without me realising again haha~
Having some sudden bad headache after me whiteout~ I think i should get some rest before i eventually faint lol. Will be blogging again soon ~
Well today, yet another friend of mine whose birthday had passed. I heard over that his friends are planning a birthday surprise for him. I began to felt envy at them as for my bro's party =/ Besides! I don't have that much of cash to make a party and invite friends to come and i never had a party before haha. Ahaha it's just my natural feeling about it. mm maybe before i knew it it's july and my birthday passed without me realising again haha~
Having some sudden bad headache after me whiteout~ I think i should get some rest before i eventually faint lol. Will be blogging again soon ~
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/26/2009 08:13:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/26/2009 08:13:00 PM』
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Perfect condition to write about myself now x) Was not in the right condition to talk about myself yesterday~ Hmm~!
Let's see~ Where should i start >.>"
Hmm as everyone know~! I'm just a pure joker but sometimes i joked too much or the jokes are too cold xD Ok~ I don't get angry easily but sometimes some acts or words are just making me pissed thats all and i'll start complaining non stop x) Mess with me = mess with your ears and ur mental state =D I don't us my fists to talk though. Overall i'll just ignore those who loves to pick n me of tick me off the anger chart.
Everyone might thought that im a quiet person when im outside somewhere in class or someplaces with unkown people! But the truth is im a very talkative person. Unless i am shy to talk to certain people. Trust me i could talk all day if i have alot to tell =D I can be annoying sometimes until my friends gave up talking to me or made up and excuse and ignroed me lol. Sometimes i might even talk before thinking making some of them flamed.. lol.. I barely talk to unknown people and i don't really entertain them unless i have to. lol. That is why i appear quiet in public! =x
I actually have a very little number of friends due to a certain fear which i can't overcome. My friends from primary school and secondary school are all practically gone and some doesnt even worth to remember them as they have completely forgotten me o ignored me when we meet face to face. Sigh~ Since i have limited friends i value them like gold or something much more precious than that. That is also why i always tend to bother my friends alot when i have the chance especially my bro xD I would just do everything i can to keep them happy or company =/ I am actually desperate for friends in a way.. >< That is also one of the factor that i was used and bullied by my so called 'friends' Sometimes i don't know which is my friend and which is not. I still don't know how many o them would against me in the future for one reason or another. I just don't want to lose anymore and get hurt ~.~ I am so envy to see big groups of close friends having fun together in somewhere for vacation or planning a surprise birthday parties for someone in the group i just felt so happy for them but for me it's rather a rare chance to none. Small group of actual friends would be fine for me already =/
There is a certain fear that im having. A fear which kept me inactive and also stressed in a way that im always afraid of something. It's the fear that also made me feel lonely and sad all the time. One of the problems im having is being sensitive. Sensitivity for me it's good in a way that i could determine which mood should i put into when dealing with friends. But it's a major problem when handling with friends sometimes as they are using hard words on me. Yet, i still keep quiet and smiled at them or laugh with the =)
Shyness is also another problem of mine. I am really afraid of being embarassed out of something silly i did or something really illogic that i made. It disturbs me n a way that i feel so unconfortable and also mentally disturbed.
I think alot~ So much that people eventually got annoyed with me! There are times when im so lonely and i had nothing to do, my mind would start thinking of all those unncessary stuff which was not a good thing. For example, it has been usual that i text message someone everyday but one fine day suddenly the person never reply me or even respond to me. So i would start to think that maybe, that person might be annoyed with me or im bothering him too much or eventually got angry with me. All the negative thoughts would start to fly out and bother me until sometimes i couldn't sleep at all at night. I would be assuming all the negative things that could have happened which kept me awake. (Most probably i inherited this from my mum as she thinks alot too =x)
I tend to get bored easily! I always need a company.. Which i have one now which is my bro~ but i couldn't be bothering him all the time but im satisfied. As for the others, they didn't really bother me much or eventually somehow we argued for some unknown reason which made us sto talkng to each other for some time. Sometimes i would sit in front of the computer waiting someone to actually talk to me or sometimes i would stare at my phone waiting someone to actually text message me and talk >< I'm too lonely andbored i guess..
I normally would forgive but i don't know why i never forgets. All the bitter memories will remain in my hollow brain as long as i live. I could remember clearly what happened from the past. It'slike im living upon my past sometimes. They say being sad about their pasts re idiots well, i am one already. I couldn't get off my horrible past memories. I would have flashbacks from time to time after seeing certain incidents or certain sentences people said. Sigh~
I am sometimes impatient on certain things which i want or something which i might get. Like, results or certain trips or exams? ... The night before that i would definately not be able to sleep and there goes my mind start running with those negative thoughts =/
Some say im a sissy, some say i need attention, some say i just need more Love from closed ones but i don't really mind.. I am proud to be me =)
Lastly i appologize for what i have done which dissatisfies you or even made you angry. I am sorry ;/
Ahh.. I hope more of them would know me better by now! =D
Let's see~ Where should i start >.>"
Hmm as everyone know~! I'm just a pure joker but sometimes i joked too much or the jokes are too cold xD Ok~ I don't get angry easily but sometimes some acts or words are just making me pissed thats all and i'll start complaining non stop x) Mess with me = mess with your ears and ur mental state =D I don't us my fists to talk though. Overall i'll just ignore those who loves to pick n me of tick me off the anger chart.
Everyone might thought that im a quiet person when im outside somewhere in class or someplaces with unkown people! But the truth is im a very talkative person. Unless i am shy to talk to certain people. Trust me i could talk all day if i have alot to tell =D I can be annoying sometimes until my friends gave up talking to me or made up and excuse and ignroed me lol. Sometimes i might even talk before thinking making some of them flamed.. lol.. I barely talk to unknown people and i don't really entertain them unless i have to. lol. That is why i appear quiet in public! =x
I actually have a very little number of friends due to a certain fear which i can't overcome. My friends from primary school and secondary school are all practically gone and some doesnt even worth to remember them as they have completely forgotten me o ignored me when we meet face to face. Sigh~ Since i have limited friends i value them like gold or something much more precious than that. That is also why i always tend to bother my friends alot when i have the chance especially my bro xD I would just do everything i can to keep them happy or company =/ I am actually desperate for friends in a way.. >< That is also one of the factor that i was used and bullied by my so called 'friends' Sometimes i don't know which is my friend and which is not. I still don't know how many o them would against me in the future for one reason or another. I just don't want to lose anymore and get hurt ~.~ I am so envy to see big groups of close friends having fun together in somewhere for vacation or planning a surprise birthday parties for someone in the group i just felt so happy for them but for me it's rather a rare chance to none. Small group of actual friends would be fine for me already =/
There is a certain fear that im having. A fear which kept me inactive and also stressed in a way that im always afraid of something. It's the fear that also made me feel lonely and sad all the time. One of the problems im having is being sensitive. Sensitivity for me it's good in a way that i could determine which mood should i put into when dealing with friends. But it's a major problem when handling with friends sometimes as they are using hard words on me. Yet, i still keep quiet and smiled at them or laugh with the =)
Shyness is also another problem of mine. I am really afraid of being embarassed out of something silly i did or something really illogic that i made. It disturbs me n a way that i feel so unconfortable and also mentally disturbed.
I think alot~ So much that people eventually got annoyed with me! There are times when im so lonely and i had nothing to do, my mind would start thinking of all those unncessary stuff which was not a good thing. For example, it has been usual that i text message someone everyday but one fine day suddenly the person never reply me or even respond to me. So i would start to think that maybe, that person might be annoyed with me or im bothering him too much or eventually got angry with me. All the negative thoughts would start to fly out and bother me until sometimes i couldn't sleep at all at night. I would be assuming all the negative things that could have happened which kept me awake. (Most probably i inherited this from my mum as she thinks alot too =x)
I tend to get bored easily! I always need a company.. Which i have one now which is my bro~ but i couldn't be bothering him all the time but im satisfied. As for the others, they didn't really bother me much or eventually somehow we argued for some unknown reason which made us sto talkng to each other for some time. Sometimes i would sit in front of the computer waiting someone to actually talk to me or sometimes i would stare at my phone waiting someone to actually text message me and talk >< I'm too lonely andbored i guess..
I normally would forgive but i don't know why i never forgets. All the bitter memories will remain in my hollow brain as long as i live. I could remember clearly what happened from the past. It'slike im living upon my past sometimes. They say being sad about their pasts re idiots well, i am one already. I couldn't get off my horrible past memories. I would have flashbacks from time to time after seeing certain incidents or certain sentences people said. Sigh~
I am sometimes impatient on certain things which i want or something which i might get. Like, results or certain trips or exams? ... The night before that i would definately not be able to sleep and there goes my mind start running with those negative thoughts =/
Some say im a sissy, some say i need attention, some say i just need more Love from closed ones but i don't really mind.. I am proud to be me =)
Lastly i appologize for what i have done which dissatisfies you or even made you angry. I am sorry ;/
Ahh.. I hope more of them would know me better by now! =D
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/24/2009 04:20:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/24/2009 04:20:00 PM』
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Hmm.. Today was quite fun but tiring =[ I had my first driving experience today. I toally screw it xD The conductor is really pushy.... I told him im new to this driving thing and i have no single clue about controlling the thing. He said it's fine and slowly learn BUT once i did something wrong he'll nag ang nag and nag... -,- He expects me to drive like the others (P.S. Unlike me.. the others drive before hand...) Overall it was an amazing experience yet scary and panicky! Hehe =x
Here's a personal appology to my big bro again because i disturbed him when he was really busy and not responding my smses i thought something happened or what >.<
Sorry! Sometimes i would be really annoying but im just being worried and feeling lonely.. ><
Watched a freaking funny video just now and shared it with my bro~ xD
Well! Im damn tired~ Time to sleep! Weeeee Nitey! =D
Here's a personal appology to my big bro again because i disturbed him when he was really busy and not responding my smses i thought something happened or what >.<
Sorry! Sometimes i would be really annoying but im just being worried and feeling lonely.. ><
Watched a freaking funny video just now and shared it with my bro~ xD
Well! Im damn tired~ Time to sleep! Weeeee Nitey! =D
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 08:53:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 08:53:00 PM』
Hmm.. for some reason i couldn't sleep and woke up every 2 hours. So i only slept like 5 hours or lesser than that and i have to attend the driving theory class today for 6 hours -_- Don't know what's bothering me from sleeping ==
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 06:43:00 AM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 06:43:00 AM』
I watched a japanese movie. Shed alot of tears throughout the movie.
Felt better after shedding them =)
Have to attend the 6 hours of driving lessons tommorow.
Feel free to sms me as i'll be bored rotting there =)
Good Night.
I hope everything is fine over at my brother's side.
Felt better after shedding them =)
Have to attend the 6 hours of driving lessons tommorow.
Feel free to sms me as i'll be bored rotting there =)
Good Night.
I hope everything is fine over at my brother's side.
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 01:16:00 AM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/22/2009 01:16:00 AM』
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sigh~ nothing much happened today. It's a pure boring day except for me watching the tv whole day and finishing up my assignments.. Was waiting for my msn to be prompted by someone or someone to sms me or reply my sms in the end nobody did do that except miss cheah she prompt me for fun :P. Didn't have the mood to play any games as my big bro is not here to accompany me to play with so i rather not play ~~ He is very busy today =D and he's performing today for his uncle! All the best big bro xD Might post more later.. Might
Perhaps im going back to bed again while waiting someone to pm me in my msn or someone to sms me ~_~ Gonna be sick very soon~ (:
Perhaps im going back to bed again while waiting someone to pm me in my msn or someone to sms me ~_~ Gonna be sick very soon~ (:
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/21/2009 06:31:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/21/2009 06:31:00 PM』
Friday, February 20, 2009
Had a blast day today! Although it's freakishly scary this morning o_O
This morning i woke up early to play Perfect World with my big bro~ and my class was at 11am and my friend came and pick me up at 11.15am >.> It has been like this ever since he sold his volvo car. So.. Practically we're rushing everyday but today something happened... With high speed of driving, my friend wanted to overtake the car which slowed down and didn't flash the signal out to turn and the driver just turn like this. The car was turning while my friend was overtaking the car. So my friend quickly pressed the breks i was not on my safety belts as it doesn't have one so.. i flew to the front and hit the front seat flat~ lol and everything feel off into the base of the car (Below the seats) and i was shocked! The driver stopped and then looked at our car.. and he didn't even bother to appologize.. what the hell.. If my friend didn't break earlier we would have ended up in the drains already ~_~
Let's not talk about that to spoil my mood xD Ah! Today my big bro came over to the food stalls below my college area with my friend, the banana, he skipped the class and went breakfast with my big bro and i told my big bro saying that its 11.30 already and he is still down there eating? Then he said "He is always like this" I told myself "hm.. true he did something similar to this before" lol~ Okay so nvm~ I continued my class and i smsed with my big bro asking where is he and he said he's in the snooker center so he asked me to come over to meet him and i happily said yes. =) Not longer after my class ends i rushed down to meet him and watch them playing snooker~
I skipped the lunch with my usual group because i rarely get to meet up with my big bro and actually spend time with him x) So after the snooker session i was saying that since they are going to the same place eating the same thing i rather go to McD and eat and i wanted to eat with my big bro too but when we reach there McD was packed with people... So in the end we didn't get to eat. So i was thinking to spend some time with him in the cybercafe for 1 hour to play his favourite game SDO-X so i suggested and asked banana to follow as well, but he said he's tired and he's going up to the class and sleep (obviously a lie) so nvm i went with my big bro to the cybercafe~
At first we went to warnet and tried to access SDO-X but it seems that it is not working. So we went to the next cybercafe near by and it is accessible! But the internet connection lags and made the whole game delayed~ So it isn't much fun and i was not used to the keyboards there. But overall spending time with my big bro means to me more than anything~! So we played a few rounds and an hour passed~ Sad it doesn't last long and i purposely spend all the time i have left with him in the cybercafe eventhough my class started 30 minutes already but i try to just spend exactly one hour with him (: So finally he went back and i went up to class. That rotten banana told my classmates and the lecturer that im in cybercafe and i am really zzz... I was preety hungry that time so i couldnt wait to get home and eat xD
After class came home and continued perfect world with him for a fewminutes then i had to cook the rice and he had to eat dinner and went out till now for his dancing practise~ (: Well overall i am really happy today and i hope there will be more like this soon (:
Thank you big bro for spending time with me ♥~ =D
Signing off~
This morning i woke up early to play Perfect World with my big bro~ and my class was at 11am and my friend came and pick me up at 11.15am >.> It has been like this ever since he sold his volvo car. So.. Practically we're rushing everyday but today something happened... With high speed of driving, my friend wanted to overtake the car which slowed down and didn't flash the signal out to turn and the driver just turn like this. The car was turning while my friend was overtaking the car. So my friend quickly pressed the breks i was not on my safety belts as it doesn't have one so.. i flew to the front and hit the front seat flat~ lol and everything feel off into the base of the car (Below the seats) and i was shocked! The driver stopped and then looked at our car.. and he didn't even bother to appologize.. what the hell.. If my friend didn't break earlier we would have ended up in the drains already ~_~
Let's not talk about that to spoil my mood xD Ah! Today my big bro came over to the food stalls below my college area with my friend, the banana, he skipped the class and went breakfast with my big bro and i told my big bro saying that its 11.30 already and he is still down there eating? Then he said "He is always like this" I told myself "hm.. true he did something similar to this before" lol~ Okay so nvm~ I continued my class and i smsed with my big bro asking where is he and he said he's in the snooker center so he asked me to come over to meet him and i happily said yes. =) Not longer after my class ends i rushed down to meet him and watch them playing snooker~
I skipped the lunch with my usual group because i rarely get to meet up with my big bro and actually spend time with him x) So after the snooker session i was saying that since they are going to the same place eating the same thing i rather go to McD and eat and i wanted to eat with my big bro too but when we reach there McD was packed with people... So in the end we didn't get to eat. So i was thinking to spend some time with him in the cybercafe for 1 hour to play his favourite game SDO-X so i suggested and asked banana to follow as well, but he said he's tired and he's going up to the class and sleep (obviously a lie) so nvm i went with my big bro to the cybercafe~
At first we went to warnet and tried to access SDO-X but it seems that it is not working. So we went to the next cybercafe near by and it is accessible! But the internet connection lags and made the whole game delayed~ So it isn't much fun and i was not used to the keyboards there. But overall spending time with my big bro means to me more than anything~! So we played a few rounds and an hour passed~ Sad it doesn't last long and i purposely spend all the time i have left with him in the cybercafe eventhough my class started 30 minutes already but i try to just spend exactly one hour with him (: So finally he went back and i went up to class. That rotten banana told my classmates and the lecturer that im in cybercafe and i am really zzz... I was preety hungry that time so i couldnt wait to get home and eat xD
After class came home and continued perfect world with him for a fewminutes then i had to cook the rice and he had to eat dinner and went out till now for his dancing practise~ (: Well overall i am really happy today and i hope there will be more like this soon (:
Thank you big bro for spending time with me ♥~ =D
Signing off~
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/20/2009 07:58:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/20/2009 07:58:00 PM』
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
So many things to handle, yet so many things not done.
Hmm let's talk about the good stuffz first.
Hmm let's talk about the good stuffz first.
- I passed my driving lisence theory xD
- Kid kid a.k.a. Ivan accepted me as his little brother =D
- I am a tresurer of my new club ITSA. Time to vaccum money :D
Had a meeting today. There's the bastard vice president which supports other clubs than our club saying that "Our club has very little people so we should combine with ADP" WTF? Doesn't mean that our club is very little in numbers we have to combine club in the sense of activities and trips right? They have their own club they enjoy their own activities an their own trips, why must they trife into our club acitivities and even invaded our own trips? Overall all our activities are also somehow related to them as suggested by the vice president.. Fk him.. I will personally object this in the next meeting. I didn't say a word because i give him the chance to talk but it seems that he is too much.
He insulted other suggestions from the committee members and only supports his own ideas. So what does he think he is? ADP has nothing to do with ITSA. We have our own stuffz they have theirs. We don't even need to assist them in any event as their club members are overwhelming. they can just simply split their jobs to each other. Pfft. I'm so boiled. If he dare to mention anything about involving ADP into our activities or something else i would straight fk him without considerations. So sad my older bro doesn't have the time to listen to this so.. I'll post it here first (:
Well recently my baby cousin is just too naughty causing havoc in my house turning the house upside down. Sigh it drives my mum crazy and so she started scolding without any reasons and just insults like this which somehow pressures me alot.. zz My assignment are due like next week.. I haven't even start.. zzz I have 2 untouched assignments and my exams are like 3 weeks from this week.. Gah.. what should i do.. T.T My older bro is also preety busy sigh~ Ah well.. I hope everyting goes perfectly fine as planned and tommorow is a hectic day as i have classes from 9am till 6pm continuosly.. Damn.. -.- Thats all for today (:
♥ Big Bro of mine;
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/18/2009 08:00:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/18/2009 08:00:00 PM』
Monday, February 16, 2009
I recently talked to my online friend. He's sort of like a counselling friend to me. I told him everything about my troubles and why am i so down and feeling lonely~ He came to a conclusion that im lack of broherly / sisterly love =/ Someone who really knows about me and somehow looks after me or even be there when i need them =/ *Besides a girlfriend*
Since i don't have any brothers nor sisters older than me.. (Better not have 1) Foster brothers or sisters treating me like a little brother i would be very happy of that already =). But it seems that none of them wish to pick me as one~ Only 1 senior of mine who really treated me as her little brother~ Sook Yee =D I really appreciate it! I'm always attached to my friends and some i even treated them just like my big brother :/ It's just that they didn't realise or knew only (:
Hmm.. I treated my classmate Jack, Kid Kid, Aki, Rei as my big brother already. They are really nice to me! I normally talked every single thing in various topics with them. My worries and my difficulties and even those which troubles me. So.. i tend to sms them everyday and sometimes even bothers them from time to time =x I care about them more than my friends.. Well by a little bit only =x They are important to me =D Somehow two of them began to have their own lives to go through so the only 2 person currently entertaining me is Kid Kid and Jack :]. Although i treated them like my big brother.. They just treated me as a friend~ Oh well =] Perhaps i would find someone who willing to treat me as his little brother some day in the future or any of them in the list would somehow decided to pick me as one. I will be waiting till the day it happens =D. Since not much people read my blog i dare to post it here x)
But yet some others are remained as my friends because i don't think they would be nice to me in some way or the other. >.>
Since i don't have any brothers nor sisters older than me.. (Better not have 1) Foster brothers or sisters treating me like a little brother i would be very happy of that already =). But it seems that none of them wish to pick me as one~ Only 1 senior of mine who really treated me as her little brother~ Sook Yee =D I really appreciate it! I'm always attached to my friends and some i even treated them just like my big brother :/ It's just that they didn't realise or knew only (:
Hmm.. I treated my classmate Jack, Kid Kid, Aki, Rei as my big brother already. They are really nice to me! I normally talked every single thing in various topics with them. My worries and my difficulties and even those which troubles me. So.. i tend to sms them everyday and sometimes even bothers them from time to time =x I care about them more than my friends.. Well by a little bit only =x They are important to me =D Somehow two of them began to have their own lives to go through so the only 2 person currently entertaining me is Kid Kid and Jack :]. Although i treated them like my big brother.. They just treated me as a friend~ Oh well =] Perhaps i would find someone who willing to treat me as his little brother some day in the future or any of them in the list would somehow decided to pick me as one. I will be waiting till the day it happens =D. Since not much people read my blog i dare to post it here x)
But yet some others are remained as my friends because i don't think they would be nice to me in some way or the other. >.>
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/16/2009 08:47:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/16/2009 08:47:00 PM』
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Some crap happened today..
- i failed my theory in driving lisence BY ONE MARK!!
- Lost the mood to do anything.
- Slept almost the whole day.
- Emoing as well.
Yet, i still had some fun with kid kid in sdo which he said im bullying T.T and Ham Ham is just being quiet at one corner >.> Oh well.. I'll finish the babeh's quiz later :P
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/15/2009 08:49:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/15/2009 08:49:00 PM』
Saturday, February 14, 2009
It's been awhile since i've ventured into the world of quizes =D Let's start off with the 100 questions quiz first (Actually its 99). I really wanted to do this quiz so i asked my maple sis (Holy Mei) to tag me but she's lazy to do it so i used her to tag myself (Sounds weird but.. LOL). Here it goes x)
~*100 QUESTION QUIZ! =D*~
001. Real name - Seng Hwa Chian~ Do you have to find out about this...?
002. Nickname(s)- WOW i have plenty of nickies! Here let me list them out:-
- I was declared a deng-boy, Alexandra in maple.
- I was declared as Pigu Chian, Hamsap Chian by my friends in class ahahahaha~
- I was declared as Babi by brenda.
- I was declared as Alexis in SDO-X.
- Mainly i normally use Alex.
*Side note* - Use any other names than Alex i'll hunt u down personally.
003. Star sign - Cancer! Stay away from me or i'll infect you! Muahahaha~
004. Male or female - Male but some say im neither and some even said im both! You make a guess :D
005. Elementary - Batu Tiga Primary School (Dun ask me where you would know it)
006. Middle School - Mahadi Secondary School (Damned school dun ask me abt it either)
007. High School - No high schools T_T I'm in a college now!
008. Hair color - Black.. or izit Dark Brown.. *Takes a tochlight and shines upon it!* Oh its.. Dark brown xD
009. Long or short - Short for a past few years since primary school but started to keep long hair recently but failed and in the end its short again )'=
010. Loud or Quiet - Loud when i know most of them (my friends) and eventually the loudest among all of them.. LOL Quiet when im surrounded by strangers! P.S. Everyone thought that im a quiet guy... *giggles* =x
011. Sweats or Jeans - Jeans but i wanted a sweats ):
012. Phone or Camera - I want... a phone and a camera! (Dun give me excuses like your phone already had a camera pfft! :x) *Hints to buy it for me on my birthday* *winks*
013. Health freak - Uh.. im a health freak when there are special occasions coming up but when there's nothing important i'll throw anything into my stomach as long as its delicious! YUM =D
014. Drink or Smoke? - Few sips already made me high and drunk and the smoke is suffocating me! You smoke in front of me~! Prepare to get endless nags until u walk away! Muahahahaha
015. Do you have a crush on someone? - Been there, done that and its over~! Ask more and i'll smack you!
016. Eat or Drink - Both of course DUH! Don't tell me you eat and dont drink and the other
way round *stares*
017. Piercings - Ewww.. Piercings are painful and go pierce urself! I hate piercings.
018. Tattoos - Pfft. No.
~*HAVE YOU EVER*~ ?
019. Been in an airplane - uhh YES! AND IT WAS FUN!
020. Been in a relationship - *whacks* i am currently in a relationship with my friends called.. BEST FRIENDS! Does that count?
021. Been in a car accident - Hmm.. Doing my lisence test tommorow.. ANY CLUES TELLING YOU SOMETHING?! Only a uh.. bicycle and motorcycle accidents and uh.. motorcycle and some super natural incident!
022. Been in a fist fight - Fist.. hmm.. No im very delicate =) DUN PESTER ME *SHOWS MY FIST*
~*FIRSTS*~:
023. First piercing - Don't have one and it's not gnna happen! So stop asking!
024. First best friend - I couldn't put in any cause im still deciding who to put in! LOL
025. First award - Hmm.. 2nd place in uhh colouring contest in my pre-school LOL
026. First crush - Secondary 3 with a girl who is older than me by 1 year GO FIGURE! ASK ME AND UR HEAD WILL FALL OFF UR BODY! *winks*
027. -MISSING- @#$%!
028. First vacation - Cant recall.. When i was in my mum's womb and she travel does that count?
~*LASTS*~:
029. Last person you talked to - my mother who asked e to sleep earlier for tommorow's lisence test!
030. Last person you texted - my dear friend kid kid who was watching television =x
031. Last person(s) you watched a movie with - my family watching eee uh... *memory goes blur*
032. Last food you ate - DINNAH! Ikan bakar! *YUM* Veggies *yuck* Meat *YUM* Bean Curt *yuck*
033. Last movie you watched - *memory continues to go blurrr*
034. Last song you listened to - *Checks my player* FUH! It's still there! Utada Hikaru - Colours
035. Last thing you bought - Mc Flurry BERRIES! *YAY*
036. Last person you hugged- I never hugged anyone before unless its virtual.
~*FAVES*~:
037. Food - ALOT TO BE NAMED..!
- Friend foods
- Curry, rendang chicken, mutton
- Snacks!
*Side note* Toomany to list so i placed them in a common group!*
038. Drinks - Orange Juice, Milo, Soft Drinks!
039. Clothing - hoddie sweaters, leather apparel, udner garments?! NO WAY!
040. Books - Harry Potter, TSGS, Joke books (o 3 o)
041. Musics - Too many!
- Bandari
- SENS
042. Flower - Lavender, rose, lily, tulips =O Others i might not list out yet because maybe i've not seen them yet~ :D
043. Colours - Black, White, Blue, Shining colours.
044. Movies - Harry Potter, Golden Compass, Narnia!
045. Positions - To be the boss of someone =D *Everybody's dream!*
046. Subjects - Science! Computings! =x
~*IN 2008..... I*~
047. [ ] Kissed in the snow (I wish i can even touch them; Snow World in Genting is fakey!)
048. [ ] celebrated Halloween (Sadly i don't celebrate them)
049. [x] had your heart broken
050. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone (My friend called me so.. YA! =D)
051. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation (WTF!)
052. [ ] came out of the closet (Only boogeyman does that!)
053. [ ] gotten pregnant (WTF!)
054. [ ] had an abortion (WTF!)
055. [x] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise (As always! OPS! =x)
057. [x] hid a secret (I hid too many secrets!)
058. [x] pretended to be happy (not only in 2008 =D)
059. [x] met someone who changed your life
060. [ ] pretended to be sick (I don't have to! I'll just say something!)
061. [ ] left the country (no $$ T_T)
062. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it (Stay up late till 5am! WOO)
063. [x] cried over the silliest thing (Laugh at me and your dead!)
064. [ ] ran a mile (You run it =D)
065. [ ]went to the beach with your best friend(s) (That was this year boo-hoo T_T)
066. [x] stayed single the whole year (Its the same 16 years ago LOL)
~*CURRENTLY*~:
067. Eating - Nothing except air~
068. Drinking - Was gonna drink something but not yet thx to this quiz!
069. I'm about to - Go ta bed, finish up my lisence questions, brush my teeth, be freaking scared, watch some dramas and sleep
070. Listening to - the sound of the wind!
071. Plans for today - Memorize the shitty lisence questions!
072. Waiting for - this quiz to end!
~*YOUR FUTURE*~:
073. Want kids? - YES! 1 boy 1 girl!
074. Want to get married? - If i had the chance i will.
075. Careers in mind - *Having thoughts of being the boss of an IT company* *giggles*
~*WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY*~?
076. Lips or eyes - Lips on girls to pull out their appearance.. You dot expect guys to wear lipstick out don't you? EXCEPT! The movies! Eyes.. i have to say both!
077. Shorter or taller? - Shorter with girls and taller with boys. Because! When girls are taller than boys it's damn scary =x However its typicall in the other way!
078. Romantic or spontaneous - A mixture of both in boys and girls so that it would'nt be imbalance on both elements (WTH am i sayng!)
079. Nice stomach or nice arms - Stomach... girls? Arms.. guys of course! Muscles on guys =x
080. Sensitive or loud - Sensitive i would suggest both! I am sensitive too you know! :x Loud.. Both as well..! You should see how china girls talk they are like arguing something when they talk and *AHEM* I tend to talk loud sometimes!
081. Hook-up or relationship - hook-up.. -.-..... Relationships BOTH! You cant live without them! Well.. except for me :P
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant - Both! Rascals and brats! Plenty to be found!
~*HAVE YOU EVER*~:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → I don't have one to start with! PFFT.
084. Ran away from home → Had several thoughts but end up not doing so!
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Had thoughts as well but i couldn't do it!
086. Killed somebody → HAD THE FEELING AT TIMES WHEN MY BLOOD BOILS!
087. Broken someone's heart → Yes a few times i guess.. ;/
088. Been arrested → NO! IM AN ANGELIC GUY CAN'T YOU SEE MY RINGS?! *Points at my angelic rings on top of my head*
089. Cried when someone died → Yes my lovely uncle =/
~*DO YOU BELIEVE IN*~:
090. Yourself - Sometimes yes sometimes no..
091. Miracles - I don't see any SO FAR D=
092. Love at first sight - Happened once don't know when it'll happen again
093. Heaven - Definately!
094. Santa Claus - No~ i guess ;/
095. Sex on the first date - WTF question is this =3=
096. Kiss on the first date - Maybe? Predict yourself!
~*ANSWER TRUTHFULLY*~:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? - Friends!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? - Not really...
099. Do you believe in God - Duh! Of Course! I pray damn hard when my exams are near! LOL
100. This is the 100th and last. - OMG IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?
IM DONE! YAY!
*Runs to my bedroom finish up mah lisence questions %#!@ and off to bed!* Nites guys xD
~*100 QUESTION QUIZ! =D*~
001. Real name - Seng Hwa Chian~ Do you have to find out about this...?
002. Nickname(s)- WOW i have plenty of nickies! Here let me list them out:-
- I was declared a deng-boy, Alexandra in maple.
- I was declared as Pigu Chian, Hamsap Chian by my friends in class ahahahaha~
- I was declared as Babi by brenda.
- I was declared as Alexis in SDO-X.
- Mainly i normally use Alex.
*Side note* - Use any other names than Alex i'll hunt u down personally.
003. Star sign - Cancer! Stay away from me or i'll infect you! Muahahaha~
004. Male or female - Male but some say im neither and some even said im both! You make a guess :D
005. Elementary - Batu Tiga Primary School (Dun ask me where you would know it)
006. Middle School - Mahadi Secondary School (Damned school dun ask me abt it either)
007. High School - No high schools T_T I'm in a college now!
008. Hair color - Black.. or izit Dark Brown.. *Takes a tochlight and shines upon it!* Oh its.. Dark brown xD
009. Long or short - Short for a past few years since primary school but started to keep long hair recently but failed and in the end its short again )'=
010. Loud or Quiet - Loud when i know most of them (my friends) and eventually the loudest among all of them.. LOL Quiet when im surrounded by strangers! P.S. Everyone thought that im a quiet guy... *giggles* =x
011. Sweats or Jeans - Jeans but i wanted a sweats ):
012. Phone or Camera - I want... a phone and a camera! (Dun give me excuses like your phone already had a camera pfft! :x) *Hints to buy it for me on my birthday* *winks*
013. Health freak - Uh.. im a health freak when there are special occasions coming up but when there's nothing important i'll throw anything into my stomach as long as its delicious! YUM =D
014. Drink or Smoke? - Few sips already made me high and drunk and the smoke is suffocating me! You smoke in front of me~! Prepare to get endless nags until u walk away! Muahahahaha
015. Do you have a crush on someone? - Been there, done that and its over~! Ask more and i'll smack you!
016. Eat or Drink - Both of course DUH! Don't tell me you eat and dont drink and the other
way round *stares*
017. Piercings - Ewww.. Piercings are painful and go pierce urself! I hate piercings.
018. Tattoos - Pfft. No.
~*HAVE YOU EVER*~ ?
019. Been in an airplane - uhh YES! AND IT WAS FUN!
020. Been in a relationship - *whacks* i am currently in a relationship with my friends called.. BEST FRIENDS! Does that count?
021. Been in a car accident - Hmm.. Doing my lisence test tommorow.. ANY CLUES TELLING YOU SOMETHING?! Only a uh.. bicycle and motorcycle accidents and uh.. motorcycle and some super natural incident!
022. Been in a fist fight - Fist.. hmm.. No im very delicate =) DUN PESTER ME *SHOWS MY FIST*
~*FIRSTS*~:
023. First piercing - Don't have one and it's not gnna happen! So stop asking!
024. First best friend - I couldn't put in any cause im still deciding who to put in! LOL
025. First award - Hmm.. 2nd place in uhh colouring contest in my pre-school LOL
026. First crush - Secondary 3 with a girl who is older than me by 1 year GO FIGURE! ASK ME AND UR HEAD WILL FALL OFF UR BODY! *winks*
027. -MISSING- @#$%!
028. First vacation - Cant recall.. When i was in my mum's womb and she travel does that count?
~*LASTS*~:
029. Last person you talked to - my mother who asked e to sleep earlier for tommorow's lisence test!
030. Last person you texted - my dear friend kid kid who was watching television =x
031. Last person(s) you watched a movie with - my family watching eee uh... *memory goes blur*
032. Last food you ate - DINNAH! Ikan bakar! *YUM* Veggies *yuck* Meat *YUM* Bean Curt *yuck*
033. Last movie you watched - *memory continues to go blurrr*
034. Last song you listened to - *Checks my player* FUH! It's still there! Utada Hikaru - Colours
035. Last thing you bought - Mc Flurry BERRIES! *YAY*
036. Last person you hugged- I never hugged anyone before unless its virtual.
~*FAVES*~:
037. Food - ALOT TO BE NAMED..!
- Friend foods
- Curry, rendang chicken, mutton
- Snacks!
*Side note* Toomany to list so i placed them in a common group!*
038. Drinks - Orange Juice, Milo, Soft Drinks!
039. Clothing - hoddie sweaters, leather apparel, udner garments?! NO WAY!
040. Books - Harry Potter, TSGS, Joke books (o 3 o)
041. Musics - Too many!
- Bandari
- SENS
042. Flower - Lavender, rose, lily, tulips =O Others i might not list out yet because maybe i've not seen them yet~ :D
043. Colours - Black, White, Blue, Shining colours.
044. Movies - Harry Potter, Golden Compass, Narnia!
045. Positions - To be the boss of someone =D *Everybody's dream!*
046. Subjects - Science! Computings! =x
~*IN 2008..... I*~
047. [ ] Kissed in the snow (I wish i can even touch them; Snow World in Genting is fakey!)
048. [ ] celebrated Halloween (Sadly i don't celebrate them)
049. [x] had your heart broken
050. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone (My friend called me so.. YA! =D)
051. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation (WTF!)
052. [ ] came out of the closet (Only boogeyman does that!)
053. [ ] gotten pregnant (WTF!)
054. [ ] had an abortion (WTF!)
055. [x] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise (As always! OPS! =x)
057. [x] hid a secret (I hid too many secrets!)
058. [x] pretended to be happy (not only in 2008 =D)
059. [x] met someone who changed your life
060. [ ] pretended to be sick (I don't have to! I'll just say something!)
061. [ ] left the country (no $$ T_T)
062. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it (Stay up late till 5am! WOO)
063. [x] cried over the silliest thing (Laugh at me and your dead!)
064. [ ] ran a mile (You run it =D)
065. [ ]went to the beach with your best friend(s) (That was this year boo-hoo T_T)
066. [x] stayed single the whole year (Its the same 16 years ago LOL)
~*CURRENTLY*~:
067. Eating - Nothing except air~
068. Drinking - Was gonna drink something but not yet thx to this quiz!
069. I'm about to - Go ta bed, finish up my lisence questions, brush my teeth, be freaking scared, watch some dramas and sleep
070. Listening to - the sound of the wind!
071. Plans for today - Memorize the shitty lisence questions!
072. Waiting for - this quiz to end!
~*YOUR FUTURE*~:
073. Want kids? - YES! 1 boy 1 girl!
074. Want to get married? - If i had the chance i will.
075. Careers in mind - *Having thoughts of being the boss of an IT company* *giggles*
~*WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY*~?
076. Lips or eyes - Lips on girls to pull out their appearance.. You dot expect guys to wear lipstick out don't you? EXCEPT! The movies! Eyes.. i have to say both!
077. Shorter or taller? - Shorter with girls and taller with boys. Because! When girls are taller than boys it's damn scary =x However its typicall in the other way!
078. Romantic or spontaneous - A mixture of both in boys and girls so that it would'nt be imbalance on both elements (WTH am i sayng!)
079. Nice stomach or nice arms - Stomach... girls? Arms.. guys of course! Muscles on guys =x
080. Sensitive or loud - Sensitive i would suggest both! I am sensitive too you know! :x Loud.. Both as well..! You should see how china girls talk they are like arguing something when they talk and *AHEM* I tend to talk loud sometimes!
081. Hook-up or relationship - hook-up.. -.-..... Relationships BOTH! You cant live without them! Well.. except for me :P
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant - Both! Rascals and brats! Plenty to be found!
~*HAVE YOU EVER*~:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → I don't have one to start with! PFFT.
084. Ran away from home → Had several thoughts but end up not doing so!
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Had thoughts as well but i couldn't do it!
086. Killed somebody → HAD THE FEELING AT TIMES WHEN MY BLOOD BOILS!
087. Broken someone's heart → Yes a few times i guess.. ;/
088. Been arrested → NO! IM AN ANGELIC GUY CAN'T YOU SEE MY RINGS?! *Points at my angelic rings on top of my head*
089. Cried when someone died → Yes my lovely uncle =/
~*DO YOU BELIEVE IN*~:
090. Yourself - Sometimes yes sometimes no..
091. Miracles - I don't see any SO FAR D=
092. Love at first sight - Happened once don't know when it'll happen again
093. Heaven - Definately!
094. Santa Claus - No~ i guess ;/
095. Sex on the first date - WTF question is this =3=
096. Kiss on the first date - Maybe? Predict yourself!
~*ANSWER TRUTHFULLY*~:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? - Friends!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? - Not really...
099. Do you believe in God - Duh! Of Course! I pray damn hard when my exams are near! LOL
100. This is the 100th and last. - OMG IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?
IM DONE! YAY!
*Runs to my bedroom finish up mah lisence questions %#!@ and off to bed!* Nites guys xD
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/14/2009 11:23:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/14/2009 11:23:00 PM』
Friday, February 13, 2009
Is the someone i know is trying to avoid me? Or is it because im too annoying to be with? Or maybe im like bothering his life or something~ Maybe i's because im bothering him everyday. Unanswered questions~ yet so many questions pooping up.
Something is up with my dear friend, but i can't seemed to find out why. It's his privacy but at the same time he seemed to be sad. I tried to help but he rejected my offer. Sigh.. As a friend, what should i do?
Some words i said bothers others sometimes. I really have to fix that fault up soon or i'll be losing more friends and eventually have no friends. Ah well. Having none is the same feeling i am having most of the time everywhere i am.
It seemed strange that im being emo-ish for days yet i can't seemed to root out my source of this. I don't even know how long this might go on or last.
I've been receiving complains from my lecturer again for not behaving in class. I somehow overjoyed and had so much fun with my friends i could'nt control myself ;/ I'll try my best to control myself in class. Behaving well.
-Mix feelings with a little bit of this and that and a major feeling of sadness-
Something is up with my dear friend, but i can't seemed to find out why. It's his privacy but at the same time he seemed to be sad. I tried to help but he rejected my offer. Sigh.. As a friend, what should i do?
Some words i said bothers others sometimes. I really have to fix that fault up soon or i'll be losing more friends and eventually have no friends. Ah well. Having none is the same feeling i am having most of the time everywhere i am.
It seemed strange that im being emo-ish for days yet i can't seemed to root out my source of this. I don't even know how long this might go on or last.
I've been receiving complains from my lecturer again for not behaving in class. I somehow overjoyed and had so much fun with my friends i could'nt control myself ;/ I'll try my best to control myself in class. Behaving well.
-Mix feelings with a little bit of this and that and a major feeling of sadness-
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/13/2009 05:54:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/13/2009 05:54:00 PM』
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I've been having headaches lately for the past 4 days. The unbareable nags from my parents is just too much. Everyday i come home i can just sleep straight away once i sat on my sofa or just would sleep when i am in the car on my way to the college or back from the college. I can't even stay awake to stay abit longer at night nowadays. What's bothering me? Stress? Depression? Loneliness?
Final exams are like 3 weeks to come. 3 weeks till my assignments due. Alot of things to catch up on my syllabus and also i have alot of things to help with my friends in the new club. So many things to do.. So little time.
Sometimes i wonder. When someone told you that they will do something for you but after some time there is'nt any news about it. Did they forget what they told or they just need more time? I dare not ask nor question. I think.. I should just wait or when they really forget about it i'll just forget it. =/
I'm off to rest.. Take care guys =D
Final exams are like 3 weeks to come. 3 weeks till my assignments due. Alot of things to catch up on my syllabus and also i have alot of things to help with my friends in the new club. So many things to do.. So little time.
Sometimes i wonder. When someone told you that they will do something for you but after some time there is'nt any news about it. Did they forget what they told or they just need more time? I dare not ask nor question. I think.. I should just wait or when they really forget about it i'll just forget it. =/
I'm off to rest.. Take care guys =D
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/11/2009 09:05:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/11/2009 09:05:00 PM』
Monday, February 9, 2009
I'm finally back from my vacation (: Everything is great! Although.. my pictures are not taken from my seniors yet xD I went to Tanjung Karang in Kuala Selangor to take the day off by relaxing~ I'll post up the pictures and explain them later on! Now its time to rest~ ^^
Owell after the trip i'll be rotting at home alone again~ I hope more trips like this would be planned in the future sigh~
Owell after the trip i'll be rotting at home alone again~ I hope more trips like this would be planned in the future sigh~
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/09/2009 12:45:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/09/2009 12:45:00 PM』
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Everytime i approach the computer, my father will definately nag or scold for for touching it. The reason is because i would be attached to it for a long period of time. Why am i attached to it? I have a few reasons.
- It's the only source where i get to talk alot to my virtual friends and also real life friends
- It's the only source which i can pour out my feelings, even so, blogging here is still the best because nobody really give a damn for what i say
- It's the only time where i can really open up where nobody knows who i am or i can talk without feeling shy or afraid of things
- It's the only way i can actually open up
My father is just making up an argument from just a very small matter. No matter how the condition is he will not tolerate with me or any other members. Let me briefly describe what does he usually do;
- He is hot tempered so he gets angry easily and start to scold me
- He likes to do things straight away no delays when you delay he will scold me with harsh words
- Always like to use the words crazy
- He likes to end things that really pisses me off
- For example; switching off my main computer switch causing a massive lost of data or just plugs out my modem or many other actions he took
- Small matters are made big matters as if it's so bad
- Likes to describe things which are so minor its actually not necessary but he said as if its really bad
- Likes to make assumptions and accuse me for what i have not done
Sigh its really a mental torture for me to say it this way everyday everytime. It is also damn embarrassing especially when he does that in public. I would probably argue with him at least once in a day more than 10 times in a week. Sometimes i just wish to run out of the house and go somewhere peaceful or just attend class or mix with friends or just pretend to entertain myself.
Sometimes i just purposely dig out some topics to talk to someone even though there's really nothing to talk about because im really bored. I sometimes felt like i am a parasite to my friends and tend to annoy them until they really dont want to talk to me or just plain ignoring me.
Will my efforts to make my friends happy rewarding or they are just using me in some way that benefits them. I dont know what i should write here already. It's just too messy in my mind now and i couldnt even find a suitable company to talk to sigh..
I will not be here tommorow and the next day as well. I would be somewhere where there are waves and sunrises or as sunsets to watch. It's time for me to take a break from all this crap.
Farewell guys~
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/07/2009 06:53:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/07/2009 06:53:00 PM』
Friday, February 6, 2009
Why does it hurt everytime i talk about the past? Maybe it's just the bitter past that really bothers me~
Why dont i feel happy recently? Perhaps im just feeling the emptiness and loneliness in life~ Why is my mind messy? Perhaps i have too many problems happened at the same time~
Constant questions are always appearing on and off~ My only plans i had on saturday and sunday hanging out with friends are all canceled and gone.. The only thing now to fill up is to stay at home while the others have their fun and enjoy their activities.
Such rare chances for me to hang out with friends. Yet, i failed to grab it. It's just so sad. I guess i have to go on staying at home rotting as usual. Everything bores me now. Sick of the things i do. Sick of everything i do. My parents are giving me pressure. Forcng me to take my driving exams. Everytime come back and argue with me. Giving me so much of headaches. I just wanna be alone already. I just wish his mouth would just shut it up and stop nagging and embarassing me by talking out loud everytime he reaches home. I will always be useless to them.
I will always be that "those kind of people" that my father always like to use it on me. Some things are just it was meant to be. Im the only male in the family i have happened to fail them. Should i just perish from them or maybe just walk away? What is wrong for me to have fun with friends?
Nags from them everyday it's just too unbarable. The only thing i could do is just hide in my room and just sleep or perhaps listen to my favourite music. Someday i might just lose my sanity and just go insane~ I'm a weakling (:
Everytime when i watch those dramas, it reminds of me being so useless. It made my tears falling down everytime such incidents happens. Am i being too soft or just playing weird. Or i shouldn't be a guy at all. And i actually borned by accident to this world to suffer such mental torture? Or it's jsut the fate of my life to suffer it this way or maybe its just the wrong path that i took which really destroys my sanity.
Healthy and normal people goes out, hangs out with frieds, practically surrounded by people and they are able to face the world. "People like me" always stays at home. The only time when im out is when im going to class or out for dinner. Even going out to walk is a rare chance to me already. Going out with friends is practicaly zero to none. I don't think im healty. I don't exercise. I'm dropping weight in an unhealty way. I'm always a loner. When u see me in college i'll just attach myself with a friend or two if i had a chance. If not i'll just sit in the office and talk to my lecturer or worse i'll just go into the lab and stare at the monitor.
They say life is short, full of meaning and grab the chance to enjoy if you can. Well, i have a different perspective of life. It's total emptiness and hectic to me. I don't get to enjoy life to the fullest. How is it possible for me to evne have that sanity till now after such crap happened over me for a past few years. Are those happy memories just a lie or are they just mere illusions.
I tried all the possible ways to release my stress, maybe it is not helping. I have limited friends to talk to. To express my feelings. Yet, only one who actually listens to me but i doubt he would have his own time with his future 2nd half of his life. And i couldn't be grabbing him and talk to me everytime am i right? Sooner or later they would have just spend more time on their 2nd halves then friends as i've seen so many of them doing that. Maybe i should get 1 pet to accompany me at all times. Yet i tried last time i didn't really take a good care of my pets. They died just like that which really made me sad.
Here's a very confusing and yet offensive question. Are my friends actually listening to me or they are just entertaining me. Are they my friends for who i am or they are just gaining benefits of me.
I really don't know what is my objectives anymore. Everything seemed to be impossible to me. All those critics really discouraged me badly. Even my own parents are saying those discourages to me. My only loved ones are saying this to me. Is'nt that depressing? I really should start a new life. A new me.
A quiet me who just follows what my parents say.. or just.. keeping quiet not talking at all.. Well i am partially like that already.
I feel desperate to talk to friends. I feel desperate to go out into the woods or high up in the hills just sit there all day enjoy the scene alone.. or maybe.. with a company.
Somehow everything seems like its falling apart. It's okay i guess. Keping everyhing to myself and hiding my sadness is the best thing i could ever do and looks like thats the only thing i am good at it. I'm only good at that thing perhaps. (:
Somehow i feel, there is some1 who supports me without me noticing all the time. I am really happy because of that.
My only moto: To keep my family, friends and loved ones happy and accompanied at all costs. Even to sacrifise my time or effort i would do that to accomplish them. I guess this is my only goal in life.
Tears are falling down while writing this paticular post. I dare not cry in front of my parents or sister or it would be weird. I should fine one barren land and cry out loud when it's raining to release every sadness out nobody would know. Maybe i'm just thinking too much. I'm going to rest now. Perhaps i'll blog tommorow again =)
Signing off ~ The only known useless guy -I would cry in the rain; Nobody will know (=-
Why dont i feel happy recently? Perhaps im just feeling the emptiness and loneliness in life~ Why is my mind messy? Perhaps i have too many problems happened at the same time~
Constant questions are always appearing on and off~ My only plans i had on saturday and sunday hanging out with friends are all canceled and gone.. The only thing now to fill up is to stay at home while the others have their fun and enjoy their activities.
Such rare chances for me to hang out with friends. Yet, i failed to grab it. It's just so sad. I guess i have to go on staying at home rotting as usual. Everything bores me now. Sick of the things i do. Sick of everything i do. My parents are giving me pressure. Forcng me to take my driving exams. Everytime come back and argue with me. Giving me so much of headaches. I just wanna be alone already. I just wish his mouth would just shut it up and stop nagging and embarassing me by talking out loud everytime he reaches home. I will always be useless to them.
I will always be that "those kind of people" that my father always like to use it on me. Some things are just it was meant to be. Im the only male in the family i have happened to fail them. Should i just perish from them or maybe just walk away? What is wrong for me to have fun with friends?
Nags from them everyday it's just too unbarable. The only thing i could do is just hide in my room and just sleep or perhaps listen to my favourite music. Someday i might just lose my sanity and just go insane~ I'm a weakling (:
Everytime when i watch those dramas, it reminds of me being so useless. It made my tears falling down everytime such incidents happens. Am i being too soft or just playing weird. Or i shouldn't be a guy at all. And i actually borned by accident to this world to suffer such mental torture? Or it's jsut the fate of my life to suffer it this way or maybe its just the wrong path that i took which really destroys my sanity.
Healthy and normal people goes out, hangs out with frieds, practically surrounded by people and they are able to face the world. "People like me" always stays at home. The only time when im out is when im going to class or out for dinner. Even going out to walk is a rare chance to me already. Going out with friends is practicaly zero to none. I don't think im healty. I don't exercise. I'm dropping weight in an unhealty way. I'm always a loner. When u see me in college i'll just attach myself with a friend or two if i had a chance. If not i'll just sit in the office and talk to my lecturer or worse i'll just go into the lab and stare at the monitor.
They say life is short, full of meaning and grab the chance to enjoy if you can. Well, i have a different perspective of life. It's total emptiness and hectic to me. I don't get to enjoy life to the fullest. How is it possible for me to evne have that sanity till now after such crap happened over me for a past few years. Are those happy memories just a lie or are they just mere illusions.
I tried all the possible ways to release my stress, maybe it is not helping. I have limited friends to talk to. To express my feelings. Yet, only one who actually listens to me but i doubt he would have his own time with his future 2nd half of his life. And i couldn't be grabbing him and talk to me everytime am i right? Sooner or later they would have just spend more time on their 2nd halves then friends as i've seen so many of them doing that. Maybe i should get 1 pet to accompany me at all times. Yet i tried last time i didn't really take a good care of my pets. They died just like that which really made me sad.
Here's a very confusing and yet offensive question. Are my friends actually listening to me or they are just entertaining me. Are they my friends for who i am or they are just gaining benefits of me.
I really don't know what is my objectives anymore. Everything seemed to be impossible to me. All those critics really discouraged me badly. Even my own parents are saying those discourages to me. My only loved ones are saying this to me. Is'nt that depressing? I really should start a new life. A new me.
A quiet me who just follows what my parents say.. or just.. keeping quiet not talking at all.. Well i am partially like that already.
I feel desperate to talk to friends. I feel desperate to go out into the woods or high up in the hills just sit there all day enjoy the scene alone.. or maybe.. with a company.
Somehow everything seems like its falling apart. It's okay i guess. Keping everyhing to myself and hiding my sadness is the best thing i could ever do and looks like thats the only thing i am good at it. I'm only good at that thing perhaps. (:
Somehow i feel, there is some1 who supports me without me noticing all the time. I am really happy because of that.
My only moto: To keep my family, friends and loved ones happy and accompanied at all costs. Even to sacrifise my time or effort i would do that to accomplish them. I guess this is my only goal in life.
Tears are falling down while writing this paticular post. I dare not cry in front of my parents or sister or it would be weird. I should fine one barren land and cry out loud when it's raining to release every sadness out nobody would know. Maybe i'm just thinking too much. I'm going to rest now. Perhaps i'll blog tommorow again =)
Signing off ~ The only known useless guy -I would cry in the rain; Nobody will know (=-
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/06/2009 06:40:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/06/2009 06:40:00 PM』
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Helo guys! What do you think of my newly upgraded blog sin? =D I love it! Ahahahahaha! Thats all for this post! Nites :D
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/05/2009 12:40:00 AM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/05/2009 12:40:00 AM』
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Heh! Regarding my topic above~ I really did skipped the speech today because its about 2 hours long talking about "ROAD SAFETY" by the head of JPJ -BORING~- My class was actually canceled just for that speech and so i tried to escape the speech and i did~ :X So.. im abit worried that the lecturers / the coordianator would ask me where did i go.. So i have a perfect reason! When i came back i asked the lecturer about the cancelation of class so i gave him my hand signs and he shook his head that means there's no class and he never said anything about the speech! HEH! Anyways i went and visit my buddie kid kid today~ xD Since i would be preety buzy too so is he~! Since its CNY and he's on holidays so~! I went and visit him x) We talked alot and also practically joked alot :P Owell sadly it only lasted not long~ But it was great while it lasted :D Ah well im looking for a new skin now planning to change for a better 1~ Will be posting 1 more later~ (:
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/04/2009 07:21:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/04/2009 07:21:00 PM』
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I changed Kid kid's blog skin (a.k.a. Ivan) I felt so happy because it's my first time changing somebody's blog skin.. Although i never really changed mine much. Heh~ Today i was woke up by my mum to attend the temple ceremony which took me 4 hours there sitting and standing and holding the insence which is burning my eyes and i am so so sleepy o_o" We went there with my uncle so at least it wouldnt be really boring lol. Nothing much happened today except that i had a great time with a company of my friend kid kid :P Owell things will change soon! Thats all for today~ (:
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/03/2009 09:12:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/03/2009 09:12:00 PM』
Monday, February 2, 2009
Well these few days im having a brief thought about the things i do and the past of my life somehow it bothers me alot in a way that it's making me really sad~ So many flashbacks and so many unhappy thoughts suddenly arise in my mind and i jsut couldnt get rid of it~ I have no friends to talk to i have nobody to express my unhappiness only keeping it to myself as always~ I still cant overcome my fear until now and it's slowly killing me bit by bit~ Life is getting lonely for me out here~ What which was interesting to me now doesnt get my attention anymore~ My handphone usually will be flooded with smses and now it was throw aside as no one would bother to entertain me. Last time i would at least visit friends and they visit me but none of these wanted things ever happened again since i left secondary school. Usually i would get tonnes of festive greetings during festive seasons but now not even a single greeting is sent to me. What is the reason behind everything? Is life really that lonely and meaningless to me? Perhaps, am i really suited to be alone and just die as a loner~ I see people success in certain things and they are proud of something that will benefit them to achieve success but i dont have anything to be proud of and to achieve with~ In class, my classmates are all so smart! Once a question is thrown to them their brains are starting to run like lightning speed but mine.. im just clueless looking at them solving a certain question. It makes me so frustrated as i dont have the ability to solve the question. Perhaps i didnt revise enough and am not hardworking enough. I am not good in everything i do im just a moderate in everything! I really envy those who are at least expertise in something unlike me being moderate in everything~ I dun have the looks, I dun have the talent, I dun have the weath, I dun have the ability, I practically dont have anything good in me! They say i might discover my talent someday but for 17 years straight i didnt get to find out my talent. Maybe im just a plain weird guy who deserves to be rejected from the community. They asked me why am i always so shy and why am i always so afraid of the public i really cant answer them as those are my deepest fear that i couldnt overcome for 17 years. What is which was holding me back is my fear that keeps me from opening up myself to everyone else. Sometimes i feel like crying because im so useless, then again its weird that i cry for a lame reason.. Why do my friends just dont bother me when i really need them! When i am really busy or not expected them to find me they will look for me? Are they using me or have i dont something wrong? I thought i found a proper friend to discuss my problems with but he barely understands me and just giving me all the sweet talks saying that he will accompany me when ever i wanted to talk to him~ Perhaps he might be busy but not all the time when i tried to talk to him perhaps? Owell i'll just get a pet fish or some other favourite things of mine as my closest friend then since none of my so called "friends" are there when i need them. I done bragging though im going to bed nights~ Will be blogging again soon.
♥ Silent Tears
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/02/2009 10:05:00 PM』
What has been written ♥ ;
『2/02/2009 10:05:00 PM』